This month-long fellowship has been one of the most transformative experiences of my entire life.
Although, it is also kind of funny. Its funny how, in such a short amount of time, you can let go of patterns that have been keeping you stuck for years and alter your whole perspective on what you are doing here.
I came down here to Costa Rica for the Epicself Fellowship with a inner commitment to shift myself out of this holding pattern I'd been in around my business and my relationship to money. What I got was an entire re-orientation of my sense of self-worth, and a newfound trust in myself and process of life unfolding.
The things that used to make me feel hesitant or insecure about moving forward with my business, the really deep stuff like: Who am I to be doing this kind of work? Or who is going to want to pay me $200 for one of my necklaces? Or what if no one can afford to come on my retreat? Those stale worries have entirely lost their power over me in a way I can't fully explain.
They have since been replaced with a sense of my own worthiness and a faith in the Universe to reflect back to me the love that I am putting out into the world through my work. I have discovered a wellspring of motivation in me that will never run dry because it comes from a sense of responsibility. I have a responsibility to not only put 100% into what I came here to do, but to allow it to sustain & nourish me. And who am I not to do that?
How did all this happen in a single month? Well to be fair, arriving here in Manuel Antonio and working with Amber and Daniel was the culmination of a journey already well underway to level up in my life, my biz, my soul's purpose.
Leveling up, of course, has to do with doing all the practical things required. So that means building a website, having a marketing plan, etc. And that is what I thought I was coming down here to do. To learn how to do those things that don't come naturally to be from the experts. That, and to detox my body with raw vegan food and get my butt back in shape with yoga and pilates every morning. Upon reflection, like with most experiences in life, what I actually came here for was far beyond what I had been able to foresee.
The real meaning of this experience was deeply spiritual. It was nothing short of redefining my entire relationship to myself and to my work. I thought I was here to find clarity around my logo but I really came to find clarity about my destiny. I thought I was here to crystallize my business offerings, but I came here to crystallize my soul's purpose. This fellowship was essentially a vision quest that included web design and sale's training.
To get there, I had to face one of my greatest fears, the fear that I am not enough, don't know enough, can't do enough, blah blah blah. The plant medicine ceremony I participated in here opened my eyes to the ways in which I have been sabotaging myself again and again with these misleading beliefs. I was brought to tears and humbled to the point of prostrating my ego before Mama Ayahuasca. She then gave me the loving embrace I needed to trek back up from that place of surrender & submission to the summit of my divinity and power. Making the ascent to meet my highest Self was the journey that helped me to truly see my enough-ness. I am so much more than enough.
I have so much gratitude to Amber and Daniel, to the best fellowship fellow ever, Kait, to my family, my Beloved, & everyone who supported me on this journey. To Ayahuasca, the master teacher and to the wonderful beings who held that sacred space for me. To the Earth and her infinite blessings and finally to myself, for showing up to do the work.