This last weekend was one full of celebration and sadness. My 24th birthday piggybacked Father’s day, which meant friends, dance floor, new dress, and a skype with my Dad from half way around the planet. While good cheer simmered on the surface, deep down my family was on a roller coaster of emotion. Death’s shadow lingering overhead.
Last week my only remaining grand father was rushed to the hospital for severe abdominal pain. A large cancerous tumor was found eating away at his colon. At 75 years old my grandpa was already suffering from congestive heart failure, so as you can imagine finding a doctor to perform surgery to remove the mass was like volunteering to walk the plank. The likely hood of him making it through an operation was about 10%. When weighing the options…surgery (possible death) or permanent death in a few weeks, my mom, aunt and grandma scoured the state for a doc who would take the risk.
A few days later the surgeon skulked into the waiting room like a dog with his tail between his legs. Not the most comforting way for a doctor to approach you. He had successfully removed the cancer of doom and in it’s wake had to completely remove my grand father’s colon and gallbladder. For the rest of his life he would have bags attached to him at all times. Can you imagine? Horrible. But oh no the doc wasn’t through. During testing they had discovered cancer in his lymph nodes.
For those of you who don’t know much about cancer, cancer of the lymph nodes is a death sentence. Next to lung, brain, and stomach cancer it’s one of the most lethal. The lymphatic system runs through out the entire body consisting of organs, ducts, and nodes. It transports a watery clear fluid called lymph. This fluid distributes immune cells and other factors throughout the body. It also interacts with the blood circulatory system to drain fluid from cells and tissues. If cancer is lurking in it’s passageways it has the ability to pop out anywhere or in some cases all over the body.
In my grandfather’s body they found it in all 23 of his lymph nodes. He’s got a few weeks tops. At this point they are waiting to see if they can take him off the ventilators so he can go home to die in peace. That is his only remaining hope…a death in the comforts of his own home with his family warming his hands and heart.
As I sit half way around the world struggling to keep in touch with my mom who is flying back and forth between her home of Colorado and the hospital in Las Vegas, I can’t help but feel helpless. I want to be her shoulder to cry on. She needs me more now then ever before. A call on Skype is all I can give her or for that matter my grandfather. While I might not be able to get in touch with my grandpa before he passes I am forever thankful to my sister who arranged a family reunion before I flew out of the country two months ago. I hadn’t seen my grand parents in about 8 years. Tragic I know! Don’t remind me. But seriously, how important were those few sunny, laugh filled days in Vegas? In hind sight, incredibly significant. The last time I would probably ever see my grandpa.
I don’t mean to be such a downer or speak so blatantly about a tough subject, but the message needs to be heard. More than ever it’s times like these that remind me why I chose the path I have in life. To educate and inspire people to lead vibrant centered lives. This will not be my fate. And hopefully not yours. Heath is a necessity in my life given my genetic history and current plight. It is an ever constant reminder that we need to be diligent in taking the best care of ourselves and the planet at large. Our bodies, consciousness and the Earth are all we have. We must preserve them.
Not only is the parish of a loved one a wake up call about your own health, but a blaring siren reminding you that we only have now, this minute, this second. That the past and future are nothing but thoughts. That no matter what has happened between you and your loved ones, when you are together, that moment is all you need to reflect on and enjoy. Tell them how much you love them. Be honest, open and real. Be thankful and gracious for every moment you are given. And for god’s sake don’t waste your life. Time continues to tick.
Your task: Call your parents right now and tell them how much they mean to you.
What is your experience with death and how has it changed your perspective on how you live you life day to day?
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Amber, I wish you and your family the best. Thank you for taking such a tough situation, and turning it into an incredible message.
So sorry to hear this news about your grandfather, but your ability to have a positive perspective on it and make an inspiring message out of it is remarkable. Great post, again.
Best wishes. Bit tough being o/s when stuff like this happens. I was in some remote jungle when one of my Grandfathers passed away so I didn’t know about it until well after the funeral, which sucked.
On the smilier side, I was inspired by this to call my grandparents who are alive and kicking but – as usual – they weren’t home, always out socialising at 80 years old the pair of them!
Life is precious, we must savour it.
May good thoughts and energy be with you and your family always. Thanks for sharing something so personal. You inherited great strength, it would seem. And yes, I should call my mother… (thanks for the nudge)
wow… felt the same way when my grandpa passed… reality hits you like a ton of bricks. thanks for sharing your experience
I can’t imagine what it’s like for you, but I was in Korea when I heard my grand father suffered from a stroke. I am now back home where I can visit him, and he is still in the hospital.
I’m grateful for my health, and I understand the importance of eating well and taking care of ourselves.
If Grandpa can be at home and pass in peace, that is the best way. I always say that God allows us to live in these shells of bodies that we have, and that the suffering we endure is necessary before our journey to Heaven. Your grandfather is suffering indeed, but always keep the spirit of hime alive in your heart. My prayers and thoughts are with you, your family and grandma.
May God bless you all,
Keith
So sorry to hear about your grandfather. May he gain peace and strength even though he is in pain. Oh yes…as much as possible….we need to maintain contact with our family members before time just passes us by. Thanks for the reminder!
@ everybody- thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. My grandpa died this morning. His heart just stopped around midnight. Your support is incredible!
Amber, I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I know, what it is like to lose someone that close to you. I lost my grandpa very suddenly to pancreatic cancer when I was a senior in high school. Allow yourself time to grieve. Let yourself cry and really feel it. Know that you grandpa loves you and that he is in a better place and he is at peace. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Keep friends close, keep family closer.
Just read through this post and you are definitely brave enough to post on this topic. May your family and you have peace and strength through this period.
Daniel
When my Grandpa died, I thought my family and I wouldn’t be able to smile again, to gather together as happily as when my Grandpa was there, telling his stories as a soldier during World War II. But in the years that followed, we learned that we could smile again, especially if we could be living legacies of the brave man who blessed our lives. We learned that we do not truly lose the ones we love. The ones we truly love will always be a part of us wherever we may go.
Amber I was so sorry to hear about your grandfather.I just read what you wrote and it really touched me. With my love and sincere sympathy Sue