“I’ll never drink again,” you manage to cackle to your buddy passed out beside you. You glance ever so blurry eyed down your button up to take in the scenery. Yes you are still wearing the get up you raged in last night, complete with shoes, jacket and lack of covers. You must still be drunk because the after effects of jager bombs has yet to send your head spinning or stomach lurching. You won’t be getting out of bed for the rest of the day unless someone gets you a bloody mary quick. Might as well keep going rather than suffer. The thought of a greasy brunch makes you drool a little.
We have all been there. All night benders designed to get you high for a brief hair tossing, head banging, prowling blip of time only to careen you face first into a brick wall in the AM. Binge drinking at it’s finest.
Unless you are the boy in the bubble, alcohol or the peer pressure associated with it has seeped into your life. What is with this obsession of getting wasted? Not only wasted but strung out on drugs as well.
When I was a teenager alcohol was a big deal. Throwing a party at sixteen was outrageous. Today kids are not only drinking from early ages, but popping drugs of all kinds. It’s not uncommon to find a 17 yr old girl strung out on coke or E hobbling home from a party where she slept with two different guys. What has happened to good parenting and society at large? Is this the new acceptable norm? More importantly what is so wrong with people’s reality that they have to keep escaping it?
Don’t get me wrong, I am no saint in this department. I started drinking at the ripe ole’ age of 16 followed by a handful of years binge drinking and experimenting with a few drugs. Back then it’s what everyone was doing. I was “normal.” Fitting into my social groups perfectly and soon was one of the most popular people in school. Then college came and it was crackdown time. Turning 21 was completely uneventful. I seemed to have gotten it out of my system. Bored to tears with the bar scene and the ridiculous games between the sexes. I quit drinking except for special occasions and most recently went completely sober for 3 months. A wealth of energy, life, and wonderful new passions and people filled the void. I blossomed.
I guess part of me figured this was part of maturing, part of becoming an adult. I was shocked and appalled to find that affluent mid thirty year olds I knew kept plugging away in the party scene with no sign of slowing down. They’d go to their shit finance jobs during the day only to drown their misery in booze that night. Their lack of fulfillment in life disappeared with drugs. Being an adult isn’t “fun.”
I’ve heard all the excuses. “It’s about the experience. The mind opening experience you can get on drugs like E and Acid.” ( The consciousness leaping that one can achieve through mediation). “Weed mellows me out, and besides I only do it socially.” (Which means you just want to fit in) and my favorite…”Drinks de-stress me.” Which means you can’t sleep or stop your mind from thinking without a substance. Does anyone else see a problem with this? A dependency on a substance to “enjoy” life.
We are born with everything we will ever need. You don’t need to be high to have a good time. Life is enough, you are enough. You can be a kid again. it just takes a rewiring of your attitude toward the present.
Why do I bring up such a tough issue? One that I could write a book on? Because since traveling I have been battling with peer pressure and trying to fit in with people from all over the world. What I’ve discovered is that I am a rarity. An outsider at the age of 24. Everyone my age, especially fellow backpackers rage the vast majority of the time. It seems young adults from all over the globe actually rage harder than back home in SF. I worked in the bar scene so I saw a lot of the extent of use. It’s nothing compared to the stories that come out of the Germans, English, Irish and Spanish. Binge weeks and months on Ibiza (the worlds most well known party hot spot) at least once a year are common place. Smoking is rampant. Most starting as young as 12. Three plus nights of blacking out, another commonality. Complaints of liver pains, and coughing up blood coming from 25 year olds. That is not living. That is killing yourself for nothing.
But what is a twenty something to do when all music and media glorifies the Hollywood lifestyle of drugs, sex and rock and roll. When every girl in a mag looks like a strung out coke whore? Is that who you want your future daughter to idolize, because they will. I worry about the Paris Hilton wannabees. A generation of bimbo’s scouring the planet for rich men to take care of them. What is the purpose of a life like that? What are you contributing to the greater good of humanity. It’s a waste of life.
As MGMT questions in the Time To Pretend lyrics…
“This is our decision to live fast and die young.
We’ve got the vision, now let’s have some fun.
Yeah it’s overwhelming, but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?”
My answer: no. You don’t have to wake up for the morning commute. It is not one or the other. Life is not black or white. It’s completely gray. You create of it what you want. The choice is yours and only yours to make. Peer pressure aside. Those who make the largest impact are those that are strong enough to be different. To have self control when everyone else is popping E, to hold off on that fourth drink because you actually want to enjoy a Sunday without a hangover.
When and if you do you’ll find you have a massive effect on others. When you stand your ground is when you reveal those who want the same. The once silent hands raise in approval and step up next to you on the platform of conscious thinking. Those people will be your true friends. As I have found through meeting hundreds of people over the last few months, healthy living standards rub off and inspire others. My roommates are now getting up early to go for a run, or asking me for stretches they can do to feel better in their bodies. Me being me has changed their perspective. People want to be epic they just don’t know how in a world where they have to constantly swim upstream.
Your Job: Rub off on other people in a positive way today. Smile, crack a joke, offer a hand, or inspire someone to keep swimming against the norm. We effect each other more than we’ll ever truly realize.
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
Amen, sista!
Kids today. Yeesh. I hate feeling so old and crotchety at 24, but damn.
And I think you’re right that it has a lot to do with the role models these kids have to idolize. Instead of looking up to productive members of society (or productive people in general, whether or not they stick with society…LIPers inclusive!) they are looking up to people who life off others, make a living by ripping off others, playing games for a living, winning the lottery (yeesh..THAT’s a long-term financial strategy?)…it’s really sad.
Living by example is definitely the way to go, too, because otherwise you come across as preachy and antagonize people, which is bad for you (no friends!) and bad for them (no positive influence!).
Keep the great posts coming!
Awesome article.Good on you for speaking up and making a difference.
Rasheed
Awesome post! Stand your ground! It can be tough not to follow the crowd but, as you’ve already demonstrated, a single positive influence can be more addictive and powerful than all the drugs and alcohol in the world.
There’s nothing more unstoppable than an individual who’s made up their own mind to change for the better, and the best thing anyone can do to help others make that decision is to set the example.
Most people know what’s right and wrong inside (both morally and for their health), but it’s so much easier to follow the crowd. People forget what they’re capable of until they see someone else making a stand and being the person they wish they were.
Hi Amber,
Great post. I’m currently on day 20 of a 30-day experiment without any drugs. No alcohol, no caffeine, nothing.
I fell into the habit of drinking almost every weekend and have been doing it for about ten years.
Now that I’m going out completely clearheaded, I’m noticing how alcohol really never added anything to my experience. I do miss the sensation of having my FIRST beer of the night, but there never was much to be gained from having three, four, six, or ten drinks.
I had a blast with my friends last night, who were all drinking, and I was so pleased to be alert and sober at the end of the night. The only difference between me and everyone else was that everyone else was eventually getting loud and off-balance.
I don’t judge anyone for using drugs or alcohol, and I will probably partake on special occasions when this experiment is over, but I’ve learned very quickly that it doesn’t really add much to the night. It’s more a conditioned habit than anything. I love that I only spent six dollars all night and that I didn’t consume a thousand empty calories or say anything rude or thoughtless. It was just easy and uncomplicated. I was just me.
This is a great post with an even better message.
I was never the party animal as a teen or adult; but as a consequence I was never in the “in-crowd”. That can be hard as a teen a well. But your story shows that in the end, the partying is really not the lifestyle that most adult what to have anyway. As we get older we want to have a more balanced life.
As a mother I try to instill in my teens that drinking and doing drugs does not make them cool, it just puts them in danger. So far I have one who is listening to my advice, but the other still wants to belong to that “in-crowd”. Hopefully reading stories like yours will inspire others to make their “Own” choices in life and respect themselves enough to being who “they” are; and not follow the crowd.
“I was shocked and appalled to find that affluent mid thirty year olds I knew kept plugging away in the party scene with no sign of slowing down.”
I see that one a lot and it scares the crap outta me. I think that’s why I choose to keep pursuing work that truly matters to me, so I have a good reason to get out of bed every morning!
I’ve had my share of partying, and especially here in Bangkok you can go overboard easily. It’s fun for “the experience” once in a while, but you’re absolutely right—we shouldn’t need any sort of substance to make it through the day or supplement to our lives.
Great post Amber, this is a tough subject but you approach it masterfully.
@Colin- I couldn’t agree more. Leading by example is the only way to go. Preaching is not appreciated so I hope this article didn’t come off like that. I don’t judge people for their choices, just try to offer a different option. Public positive role models are definitely lacking in society today. Shout out to Obama!
@Rasheed- thanks for the continued support. I’ll keep plugging away!
@Raam- totally. Imagine what the world would be like if people stood their ground more often?
@David- good for you! That experiment is always so revealing. People are going to do what they want to do, but that doesn’t mean you have to partake. I agree with the non judgements. You have to take and love people for what they are. oh ya and the money saved…that could be your next vacation. Awesome. I too jump in when it’s a special occasion, but I feel so much better when I have a clear head the next morning. I think once you are used to that clear mindset it’s hard to retrograde. At least in my case. Thanks for your story and thoughts.
@K- it’s so good to hear from a parent. It must be frustrating for parents because they want what’s best for their kids, but also want their child to fit in and not be outcast. It’s a blurry line. I hope I inspire those that are a “outcast” to accept that it’s okay to not want what others are doing. That it’s okay to be an individual. I am still learning to hold my ground. Something I thought i had figured out years ago…the process never ends!
@Cody- haha. Yes Bangkok is a fun spot and easy to partake in that all too often. Same here in Australia. Drinks are part of society. The sports games, the happy hours, every event. Thanks for your sweet continued support.
“We effect each other more than we’ll ever truly realize.”
This is so both for better and for worse. That is, if you add up all the “little” kind words and deeds that someone who’s on track with their lives does, it’s a big total efffect.
And the opposite is true too. People who are habitually inconsiderate, disrespectful and so forth can end up doing a lot of total damage.
@Paul- I completely agree. Negativity breeds negativity. That’s why it’s up most important to remain positive and send that energy out into the world. It comes back triple fold!
I’m 17 and last year I was convinced that AC/DC and Iron Maiden are the best bands in the world. I went headbanging every weekend and had a headbanger girlfriend. Now I still like hard rock, but I’m trying to find a larger spectrum of music, from soft rock, jazz and blues even to pop.
Regarding girls.. I find it disgusting when a girl is drunk and only sleeps with one because she was talked into it not because of real desire.
I had already stopped drinking before college so by the time I went on my first round the world trip I was comfortable with my life-style choice.
The most important thing is that you are comfortable with your choices, people pick up on it when you are not 100% confident in your decisions and thats when they are much more likely to tease you, pressure you or question your choices.
BTW, no longer drinking has never stopped me from socialising, partying all night long or meeting women.
@Zoltan- sounds like a great idea. Putting people around you that fuel the lifestyle you want is best. I found myself falling into the same trap when I dated a guy who was an alcoholic. Partying almost every night. I had to get away in order to keep my sanity!
@NomadicNeil- so great to hear from you! I appreciate your experienced thoughts. I am definitely learning to hold my ground. People do pick up on your choices and can pull you in if there’s even a hint you’ll join. I am proud to say I haven’t had a drink for the last two weeks. It feels great to keep disciplined despite outside pressure.
Once again you are dead on correct. Its been a while since I’ve read your blogs but I always catch up. I made the conscience decision when I was in high school to not let myself go to any controlled substance. I saw what it did to people from an early age and thought it was completely meaningless. Did you hear what I said? I CHOSE NOT TO DRINK ANY ALCOHOL OR DO ANY DRUGS FOR MY ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL CAREER. People (other kids) thought I was about as weird as they come. Once I got to college I started easing up on my harshness but I’m still glad to this day that I did it. Being sober gave me such an interesting perspective at a very influential time in my life. I feel like alcohol is the most emotionally addictive socially acceptable abusive substance but don’t even get me started on how awful and unnecessary cigarettes are to your physical and mental health. Also, in my opinion when ever I meet people who work a standard 9-5er and binge drink on the weekends (and trust me i’ve met TONS of them) its a very obvious sign to me that they are unsatisfied with some part of their life and its usually their job. So I say, “If you don’t like your life figure out what it is about it that you don’t like and than change it.” Its just that simple.
@Michelle- glad you are still reading
That takes some balls to not drink in high school. Good for you. And yes, it is that simple.
It’s now almost 6 months since I quitted booze, tobacco and drugs. Apart from the fact that my social life has gone a bit bored, I never felt so well in all my life. I am 41 and run about 20 miles each week, something I never thought possible in the midst of my enslaved earlier life style. The most important thing is perhaps that I feel whole and true under my own skin. Thanks for writing this article, I’ve been looking for opinions like yours in internet for ages and now my search is over. Sergi
STRAIGHT FUCKIN EDGE
Wow. I really resonated with this post. My last experience traveling involved some serious drinker and a 24 hr train ride. Not being into drinking I felt like and outsider at the age of 23. I can totally relate to your experiences, and its good to hear someone else is having them too.
Steve- absolutely. Where were you traveling? 24 hour train rides are hard on the butt. Sleeping sitting up…ya…won’t be doing that again any time soon.
Rock star post.
Keep rockin,’ Amber!
3 things why this is the coolest blog post I have read in a while!
First and foremost: MGMT reference = awesome
Second: I have also had my stint in “extra-curricular” activities and its incredible how when you reflect back I never had 1 good time when I was “f” ‘ed up and to magnify the situation I would spend hundreds upon hundreds of dollars in a night (especially the snowy ones if you get my drift) on absolutely nothing. I am also over the bar scene and have been seeking spiritual, mental, and physical stimulation that only can be achieved by ridding yourself of the negative influences in your life. I think that for me it wasn’t saying no to the drugs or craving the drugs that was so powerful, but the environment and people around the drugs. My dad always said ” You are who you hang out with” and it has taken 25 years for me to understand that.
Third: I actually for the last year or so have become infatuated with smoking pot. DISCLAIMER: I THINK SMOKING TOBACCO IS DISGUSTING AND HATE CIGARETTES ( I have never once smoked a tobacco cigarette) Anywho, I would smoke regularly and I found that I loved to get high and workout or run (i.e. Pumping Iron – Arnold Schwarzenegger). However, I recently came to the point where I would do it before every workout. Was it effecting my life, my workouts, my work, negatively? Not really, but the simple fact that you touched on in this post is that I was dependent upon it for working out. Being dependent/addicted to something has been/still is my biggest fear! So I had an epiphany and decided to see how I would fare without it ( if you are wondering I am still alive).
So in summary, I pretty much have quit blazing, I drink less than moderately if at all except for really really special occassions i.e. Way Below the Status Quo Roadtrip (it is impossible for me to get cut when I drink). I enjoy a smoke every now and then and still like it, but when your life is awesome, you don’t need fake highs. Plus, it is a lot easier to get a six pack without those damn munchies
The only thing I will admit I do miss is that as cliche as it sounds it did allow me to view different perspectives and open my mind, but thats why I am trying my hand in meditation now ( which you will be receiving an email in the very near future about)!
Awesome post and pretty much feel like you were the one they were thinking about you when they wrote Electric Feel
“All along the western front
People line up to receive.
She got the power in her hand
To shock you like you won’t believe.
Saw her in the Amazon
With the voltage running through her skin
Standing there with nothing on
She gonna teach me how to swim “
Rabah! So glad to hear you are enjoying life to the max without all the extras. Meditation is amazing. I’m diligently trying to get it in every day along with yoga or pilates. Love the lyrics! Will using them!
ps how do I get a custom avatar?!
Amber,
Thanks so much for writing this post. Gives me courage to know that there are others out there who share my ideas.
AMBER! WOW! Such an amazing and well written post. I can’t tell you how much I respect you for putting it out there for all of us to read. Awesome – thank you for being an inspiration to me!
very inspiring my dear
I feel exactly the same way about the “sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll” lifestyle. I use to be apart of it, and when my 21st bday came around, I had fun that night, but it hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t go out and party, nor do I partake in wasting my nights and weekends away by spending time/money at a bar.
I love how you write and how you inspire me to want to inspire my friends. It’s so hard to be the example and them not follow… Anyway, lovin’ the blog girl. Could use some advice on starting my own blog
Jessica- thanks for the sweet compliments. And yes! Peer pressure is huge. I have to hold my ground like no other when I go out with my friends. I don’t feel weird anymore. My friends know me by now and respect my decisions. If they care they aren’t true friends. I’m here for questions. Blogging is soooo easy to set up now days and very fulfilling!
I’m 24 and feel pretty disconnected from many of the people in my age range as well. I don’t drink much if ever. Mostly just wine and for me it’s because I just don’t like the taste of alcohol lol I think I’m quite lucky. But it’s hard to see people I care about binge drink all the time. I don’t think there is anything wrong with drinking… until it’s taken too far as you said. Usually when people get sloshed A LOT they’re usually trying to escape something, no?
I wish I could do more for those people but you’re right, all you can do is be an example. Btw, it really freaks me out that anyone would want to grow up and be like Paris Hilton or anyone else living off of easy money. Where’s the fun in that!
Thank you Amber for writing such a truthful, inspiring, and informative blog. Lately, I have found myself feeling like a rarity as you put it. I feel like most of my peers reactions to me going vegan, and possibly raw without crutching onto alcohol is threatening to them because they themselves want to fit into that norm or realm of acceptance and watching me state I that I do not want to put those toxins into my body is too obscure for them.
Binge drinking is overrated. The toll it takes on your body, especially on one who feeds themselves pure, organic, healthy foods, is never ever worth it. Waking up that next morning to feeling like you were punched in the chest several times is not a good enough reason to throw back those shots at the club so you can let loose with ease on the dance floor. Being drunk or high does not constitute for bravery when meeting people at a club or party, nor does it replace confidence.
Keep writing Amber, I look forward to your future posts <3 <3 <3
Megan- I deal with the same thing all the time now that I am raw vegan. When you eat light clean food our systems just can’t take the alcohol and stimulants. One or two glasses of wine and I’m under the table! One cup of coffee and I’m jittery all day. The social pressures from our peers and family can be really challenging. I always bring a positive twist to it though! Let people have their issues with you not conforming! You feel amazing while they end up in a sugar, booze induced comma. Who’s happier at the end of the day?
*When people inquire about me being raw I tell them I eat this way for the planet and for how good it makes me feel. That really makes people think. They want to feel good too!
Look for some new buddies who are into your lifestyle. I have joined a ton of local meet up groups and organizations to put myself around positive like minds. Good luck on your journey and looking forward to connecting more with you.
Hi Amber,
I just wanted to take a minute and thank you for your blog, email, and other activities. You are changing the world, and that rocks.
I have two incredible daughters, ages 15 and 18, and unlike you and me in the past, at their young ages they already seem to get the message from your “Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll at 24″ blog post. Even so, I passed it on to them yesterday, because it’s a great message and reminder. My older daughter has already passed it on to a couple people she thought would benefit from it.
So that’s one great small example – an article you wrote in 2009 and probably haven’t thought about this year – is still out there impacting people. Thanks!
Spencer
After reading I have to write something. What we all feel and experience is suffering. Suffering from wanting to be someone, for not being, for not having, for being, from not getting something to satisfy our inner desires. We use drugs, alcohol and smoking to try to cover up what we are suffering. We don’t even realize that we are suffering, we keep drinking till we vomit blood not knowing why! In Buddhism this is suffering! We need to understand and resolve our problem. We drink trying to stop our mind from suffering, but we actually create more suffering when we wake up, we are half dead, our body system suffer, our mental system suffer, our job, day, friends and we ended up more suffering! In meditation you can stop drinking. You can stop smoking and you can stop sex. Meditation is a method to rewrite your mental program. Just like writing you computer program. You don’t need to be a monk to learn meditation, you can just learn it. When you get it you will be addicted to it like your rock & roll at 24!
Amber, cool article.
What I always think when I see people taking drugs is that everyone needs bliss. Everyone needs ecstacy. But there are ways to get blissed out that don’t make you sick and unhappy in the long-run. Like dance, meditation, nature, and love. I started drinking heavily at 12, and by 16 I was sick of it. My senior year of high school I strangely found myself hanging out with Mormons and Muslims (though I was an atheist) because they were sober, and I actually had a great time! Thankfully there are people (religious and otherwise) living healthy, happy lifestyles all around us. You just have to look.
I was walking past some clubs after we parted tonight and I had the idea that it would be awesome if there was a raw/veggie/intoxicant-free club. There probably is one somewhere. Have you ever heard of one? I still have the urge to party, but don’t want to be surrounded by alcohol. I’ve tried sober clubbing and overall find it boring because talking to drunk people when you’re sober is boring–atleast for me. Anyways, it was a pleasure meeting you tonight. It can be hard to meet like-minded people.
I’m only 23 and sometimes I feel so old and lame when I don’t want to go out and do the things that others want to do. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not such an outsider!
When i was a teen i drank and smoked to fit in, even though i never really felt like i fit in. I didnt know any better then, i was misguided and ignorant. When you finally learn to love yourself, you realize that the internal peace with in yourself is enough, and connecting to the source brings great joy to ones life. I like feeling chi and meditating, it feels natural, and there are no hangovers to the healthy way… I also think its sad seeing people in their late 20s and early 30s doing the same thing i was doing when i was a teen, talk about a stagnant boring life…
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