This is a guest post written by the clever Colin Wright of Exilelifestyle.com where he blogs about self improvement, and lifestyle design.
If you knew me in real life, you’d know that I’m a big fan of games, especially ones that lead to better communication, an improved sense of self, or that somehow increase the understanding or skills of those participating.
As a result, I tend to take any situation that would be otherwise boring and turn it into a self-improvement opportunity (read: game).
One such game that I play is a big hit all around because it’s good for you, it’s good for the people you play it with, and it’s really good for innocent bystanders who get dragged into it.
The goal is really simple: give a stranger a compliment.
I know, I know, it doesn’t sound like a game at all. But a game is all about challenging yourself and others to get better at something, and by forcing yourself into an uncomfortable situation that will help you to get more comfortable with it, you are playing games with commonly acceptable social norms and forcing yourself out of your comfort zone (which to me is a great reason to do just about anything).
But say you need a more legit reason than breaking cultural folkways to do something that could be construed as publicly unacceptable (like this game). I’ve got you covered.
It’s all about communication. Being able to talk to strangers about anything is important because it can open up whole new doorways, personally and professionally. Every single person out there has something to teach you, and if you don’t have a way to open up the doors of conversation with them (without the off-chance of being introduced by a common friend), then you’re in pretty bad shape.
This exercise allows you to open up the channels of communication with one of the least contentious themes possible: the positive qualities of the person you are talking to. It’s like training wheels for your conversation starting abilities, and should be used whenever possible.
That being said, this game can be anything but easy. It can actually be very difficult to walk up to someone you don’t know and tell them you really like their hair. Or their shirt. Or nails. Telling them that they are looking good in a way that doesn’t come across as creepy or sleazy is especially difficult for guys, who have to deal with potential sexual harassment lawsuits on one hand (when the recipient of the compliment is a girl) and implied homosexuality on the other (when the recipient is another guy).
The best way for both girls and guys to approach this exercise is with an incredible amount of civility and a lack of any hidden agendas. When you can go up to someone with a genuine compliment with no intentions beyond letting them know that they are doing something well, that usually comes across without any problem. If you’ve ever had a random person come up and give you a compliment, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It just feels good. It’s the whole ‘they had nothing to gain from taking the time to tell me that, but they did. I feel great! Let’s get cake!’ kind of good.
So take the time to make someone else’s day and improve your own communication (and awkwardness-destroying) skills. If you find yourself just standing somewhere with nothing to do (checkout lines are a good place to try this out) or even just walking by someone who looks like they could use a pick-me-up, give it a shot. The worst that could happen is you’ll get a confused look. The best that can happen is that you’ll add some positivity to the world while improving a your ability to communicate.
By the way, did I mention that you look great today?
Colin and I swapped articles to spice up our work and introduce our audiences to a different take on epic living. I hope you enjoy his unique voice as much as I do. You can check out my post, How To See Like A Traveler All The Time by visiting his home page Exile Lifestyle.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Great idea. I once had someone come up to me out of nowhere and compliment me. I admit, I was weirded out. Turns out the person was just being friendly and genuine. It really is engrained in us to not approach strangers. But as you say, practice makes it much easier and is a good skill to have.
Nice idea. Here in Italy most people are not prepared to receive even a smile from a stranger, but I want to try this.
“I feel great! Let’s get cake!” Love it.
It’s a powerful game, and something I should be more diligent about.
I used to play this great game with my networking partner in crime that was based off of this idea:
Go out to an event. Take in the room and really scope out the scene with the person or people you’re with. Take turns challenging each other to smoothly finagle their way into other groups’ conversations.
What I’ve found: complimenting people works an awful lot more than “accidentally” bumping into them.
Seriously though, this is a fantastic skill that I try to implement everyday.
As that partner in crime says, “I love going places where I don’t know anybody. Then you’re in a room full of friends you haven’t met yet!”
@Valerie: Practice really does make it easier, and the more you do it, the less weirded out other people seem to get (maybe they pick up on your uncomfortableness at first? Hard to say).
@Oscar: Make some waves, Oscar!
@Will: I think everyone could stand to do it more often, even those of us who write about it!
@Kristin: Well gee, that sounds familiar
Glad to see my old partner in crime is keeping up with my blogs, even when they’re guest posts! Have you had the chance to play the game in Seattle yet?
@Colin: not yet! I might have to drag Will out to play soon.
Heya Colin and Amber!
Cool post!
I know many people find it surprisingly hard to go out and give a compliment to someone they do not know. It’s pretty eyeopening, because it forces us to take a closer look at a person and their behaviours, to be able to spot something they do which we like or admire.
Have you ever found that some people will react negatively to a compliment from a stranger?
Cheers for the post!
Diggy
I connected with this post very much.
Whenever I have actually gone out of my way to appreciate a stranger, I have always felt very nice and enthusiastic, because there is no ego, no reason – just the pure naturality of appreciating what is nice. Of course that is also true whenever a stranger has complimented me about my clothes etc.
Another interesting thing is saying “hi” to a stranger next to you when you have the time to communicate and connect. Instead of making any excuses to talk like asking them some question or asking them for some instructions, just saying “hi, I’m this”, has the effect of making you feel so good and pure in that moment.
And the 2 people generally connect instantly.
Great advice.
I don’t compliment looks for reasons you mentioned. I occasionally compliment clothes, but I generally save praise for actions. Great service, enthusiasm, a nice smile, etc. all are becoming rarer in the world. Kindness needs to be celebrated!
I think flattery ha to be paid in increments. If you over do it it tends to be annoying and creepy. Great post tho. P.S You look smoking hot!