It was the night of my very first ayahuasca experience! If you’re not familiar with ayahuasca it is an ancient plant medicine found in the amazon rainforest, that Shamans have been using to guide people who are eager to feel a deeper connection to themselves, life itself and nature as a whole. I was one of those people eager to feel a deeper connection to my soul and what I have come here (Earth/Life) to be and do. And ohhh boy did Mother ayahuasca awaken me to the deeper aspects of myself and the work I have come here to do, and I am forever grateful for my ayahuasca experience! Let me share with you how it went.
I was part of the Epic Awakening crew, a retreat program Amber and Daniel put together for people seeking a similar experience I had been looking for. There was a week prior to the ceremony that had prepped us mentally, physically and emotionally for the powerful spiritual journey we were about to partake in. Throughout the week Amber helped us awaken our vital prana and remove any unnecessary energy that was no longer needed in our bodies through daily yoga, pilates and deep myofascial release exercises.
We also took fun adventures to Manuel Antonio National park, visited the beautiful Nayuaca waterfalls and took trips down to the local beaches in town. All this was accompanied by a very rigid and specific diet/meal program that, Kendra our personal chef whipped up in the kitchen every morning, afternoon and night. We had been preparing all week so that we could enter our ceremonies with awareness, intention and purity. Fast forward to Friday night…
I was suited in my clean white clothes, taking deep breathes anxiously waiting for the ancient ceremony to begin. The whole Epic Awakening crew began to walk through the dark jungle path and soon stumbled upon the unique temple where our transformation was about to be birthed. We removed our sandals and walked into the sacred temple where we took a seat on a nice comfy cushion. The lighting was low and gave the moment a very deep and sacred feel. The Shamans, one a woman; Chiara the other her husband; Gustabo sat at the front of the altar with the magical ayahuasca potion in a decorative bottle surrounded by ancient artifacts and crystals.
The Shamans shared some general rules and guidelines, offered some beautiful prayers and then I knew it was about to get Real! We went around in a circle and each of us came up to kneel in front of the altar to accept our dose of the ancient plant medicine, Mother ayahuasca. It was my turn and I slowly walked up to the altar, my heart pounding, palms sweating I took a deep breathe and kneeled down to accept my dose of medicine.
I could see the silhouette of Gustabo as he poured the magical substance into a bamboo shot glass, he put his hands over the cup and murmured what I assume was a prayer and then offered it to me. This was it, the moment I had been waiting for since 2012, I took a deep breathe said my prayer to let this medicine do the work it needed to do and then bottoms up! The ayahuasca was a dark substance and had quite a unique taste from anything had ever ingested, I can taste it right now (as my stomach rumbles haha).
I walked back to my cushion and stretched my body out, anticipating what was about to come over me. About an hour of silence passed and I had almost fallen asleep until, I heard Chiaras voice say the altar is now open, and she welcomed us up for another dose. I wasn’t feeling any different other than a little drowsy, so as you could imagine I walked up, took a kneel at the altar and turned the bottoms up for my second dose. Moments passed and I started to hear the sounds of my fellow journeymen purging. Some stayed in the temple and purged into a bowl and others walked out into the jungle and echoed sounds of release.
I was sitting in the temple with my spine tall, affirming my mantra, “I trust in the divine unfolding of this plant medicine.” I still wasn’t feeling much at the time but wondered what everyone else was experiencing if they had been purging? It was at his time I had the urge to get up out of the temple and sit by the fire, an option the Shamans confirmed was okay, but to come back to the sacred ceremony afterwards.
I wasn’t sure if I would even be able to walk but I gathered my balance and was able to stumble out to the fire. I sat and watched the way the fire moved with the wind and began to feel a deep connection to the sounds of the insects chirping, the wind passing through the jungle leaves and even heard sounds of monkeys howling. The ayahuasca was definitely settling in, when all of a sudden I had to pee. So I intently walked into the jungle, took my stance and was about to pee, when a thought, “oh is this disrespectful to mother nature?” struck my mind. Then I said to myself no I am going to use this release as a release of negative and fearful thoughts such as the one I just had.
Also that this would be a fertilizer for new empowering thoughts. So I finished going to the bathroom and was really feeling like I wanted to stay out and connect with nature and the stars, but remembered what the Shamans said about coming back to the temple. I thought about it back and forth, “should I stay outside or go back inside?” I was trapped in my mind with fearful thoughts and emotions, about what to do in this predicament. It was all so quick and powerful but in this short moment I realized that for my whole life I had let fear hold me back from doing what I truly wanted to do, regardless of what society said or the shaman said.
I wanted to respect the ceremony but at the same time I wanted to be free! It was in these few short moments of reflection that I had overcome fear itself and that to be free I needed to…JUST BE!!! It was like the palm of the universe had just smacked me across the face and I woke up to the fact that in life I was constantly living in the past or future projecting my fears into the only moment we ever have…NOW! I surrendered all my fears, took a seat on a bench and contemplated the HUGE revelation I just discovered. In that short amount of time, and the moments that followed I learned how to live in the eternal moment of now. The access to this moment of now is through Being, and after all we are human “beings”, I thought.
So now that fear was non existent and I was fully submerged into this everlasting moment of now through my state of Being, what was I to do? This was the question that awakened me to the fact that I am a Creator, and as human “beings” we’re all creators! It was like this revelation sunk deep into my consciousness and fully integrated into the deepest cells of my being. I think it really did, because from then on I found myself downloading loads, and I mean loadsss of information and ideas.
I was guided to reflect on an idea I had in the past about starting a Conscious Lifestyle Clothing brand, something I was really passionate about at one time in my life. Feelings of excitement joy, love and wonder floated around my mind about this idea. Throughout the night I layed on the bench looking up at the stars who seemed to be communicating with me, and I held my journal close by filling it with all the genius ideas that came across my consciousness. It was as if I was just channeling creative source energy. It wasn’t me. I was just being, and from my open surrendered state of being, god, or source, or mother ayahuasca, whatever you want to call it was feeding me all the things and ideas I needed to hear and see.
As all of these breakthroughs manifested, I was serenaded by the magical sounds of flutes, guitars, bells and the sound of an angel singing from the depths of her heart. The angel was the shaman Chiara but I could tell she was channeling the same sort of energy I was, something much more than her it was spirit moving through her; at least that’s what I was perceiving. Her songs were magical and the vibrations rattled my body with peace and ease.
All the while my pen was still scribbling onto the pages of my journal, filling it with the visions I was being gifted in my imagination. This went on for a while until I heard Gustabo and Chiara bringing the ceremony to a close. So I hustled back into the temple filled with peace, joy, love and a sense of freedom I had only caught glimpses of before. I sat in a lotus position listening to the final prayers and songs of my first ever ayahuasca ceremony. So much happened in these 6 to 7 hours, a lot of it hard to even try and put into words but it was miraculous none the less.
My first ayahuasca experience was not exactly what I had imagined it would be like, but it definitely was exactly what I needed. I guess my mantra, “I trust in the divine unfolding of this process” really worked, because I rode that feeling of bliss out of the ceremony and continued to flow with the grace of the eternal moment of now and allowed myself to BE. After the closing of the ceremony I still felt the effects of the medicine and went back to the house where my fellow journeymen shared our breakthroughs and awakenings. They were all different and unique but relatable in the sense that they had gotten such clarity on themselves and their lives but were not aware they even needed those things. It was almost like a blind-spot we had in our mind that we were not even aware of!
It was now about 2am in the morning and I could not sleep. I was so alive awake and aware. I was filled with so much energy and excitement I couldn’t even sleep, so as everyone headed for bed I headed for the open field to look up at the starry night sky and connect and reflect all that I had just experienced. And that was only night 1! Night two is a whole another story I’ll have to share some other time. But all in all, I’d have to say my first ayahuasca ceremony is a miraculous experience I will never forget and will strive to incorporate the revelations I had into my everyday life. After all it was pretty easy, JUST BE! But easier said than done right?!