They say hindsight is 20/20 and that sometimes we find what we were looking for in the least expected places. Both are popular sayings because of their relevant and timeless truth. This past week, the meaning of both phrases merged together as I found exactly what I had been looking for in an unexpected place and in hindsight, it made absolute and undeniable sense. How did these deeply personal insights arise? They arose while spending three nights in ceremony with an ancient, sacred plant medicine called Ayahuasca that helped me through a process of remembering my true nature as a creatively expressive human.
First, allow me to back it up for a moment. You see, for the past three weeks I have been living in Costa Rica at the Epic Self headquarters for a month-long Epic Fellowship. Each day I have been steeping my soul in self-reflection, strengthening my body during daily movement practice, and building new habits and a mindset that reflects the life I am intentionally creating. My body has been cleansing itself of accumulated toxins through an entirely raw vegan diet and I have been shedding the literal weight of a life that wasn’t in alignment with radiant health.
Everything I’ve done during the fellowship has helped me crystalize my voice as a conscious entrepreneur, work diligently toward my vision, and build the foundations for my business. Each day has been challenging me to push beyond my preconceived creative limits. Building a business and figuring out exactly how I want to be serving the world is no cake walk, but my self-inquiry and meditation practices were helping me gain some clarity, slowly but surely.
All of the above was, unbeknownst to me, preparation on many levels for the ceremonies that I took part in last week. Detoxifying my body through clean and pure food for the past several weeks while also adhering to the specific pre-ceremony diet allowed for a much different experience with the medicine. My body is a much cleaner vessel than it was during previous ceremonies, which allowed Ayahuasca to work less as a physical medicine (through purging) and more as a healing experience through emotional and inner self exploration and expression.
For the first two weeks of the Epic Fellowship, I couldn’t quite articulate the purpose of my business, what exactly I’d be offering, and how I would tie my unique gifts into offerings that would uplift, inspire, and better the lives of the people I’d be working with. Before the ceremonies, I had been overwhelmed with a number of different ideas that I couldn’t seem to weave together into a cohesive, strong business plan that highlighted my lifelong passion as a musician and my gifts as a coach and advocate for a healthy, creative lifestyle. During the Ayahuasca ceremonies, however, my prayers for clarity were answered and the uncertainty and confusion that had been clouding my mind was dispelled.
During the first ceremony, I was invited to share a few songs. Ayahuasca gave me greater control over subtle nuances in my voice and I was able to open it in ways that had been previously inaccessible. I felt so comfortable sharing my musical gift in a ceremonial space. For the past several years, I have been enamored with learning and carrying medicine and prayer songs from different cultures and traditions around the world. To be able to share some of them in a prayerful setting was a gift.
Playing music during that first ceremony was a journey deep into my body, my mind, and my purpose. I was invited sing and play music for the next two ceremonies to be of support to others. It was an honor to be entrusted with responsibility. I felt understood, valued, and respected for the art that I have been practicing my entire life and for who I am — as a musician and open channel for divine inspiration. I felt completely supported and I stepped into my power.
My music is my medicine. It has been a constant, solid rock throughout my entire life. It brings me such peace and is my greatest joy. It is life’s greatest gift to express myself through music. It has been a healing journey to unlock the power of my voice, yet through that process, I have transformed my life into one that is aligned with curiosity, health, and self-awareness.
It was uncanny how natural and right it felt to be sharing music during the ceremonies. It became very apparent that it was not only medicine for my own life, but for the lives and experiences of others and that it was my responsibility to continue sharing it.
Music always brings me back to my center, no matter how far I may have strayed. The inspiration that flows through me has no beginning or ending — it is always there, patiently waiting for me to turn on the faucet so that it can pour through me. It is the one thing that, without fail, always connects me to my Creator and a sense of purpose and beauty beyond comprehension.
Ayahuasca helped me uncover the vision I’d been praying for. It showed me how to integrate two integral parts of myself. I was also shown the ways in which I had been unconsciously self-sabotaging my creative efforts. With the help of this plant medicine, I tapped into the areas of self-expression I had been shielding myself from. It became clear that my passion for singing and playing music cannot be separated from my never-ending journey to greater health and vitality. The two are inseparable in my life. The better care I take of my body, the more energy I have. Translation? Energy is life, inspiration, love, expression. Each day is a new commitment to take better care of myself than I did the day before. As I make that commitment, I open opportunities to create, receive, and be of service in the world.
This past week, a quote by Marianne Williamson has been my mantra:
“Our deepest fear is not we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be.”
When we remember our true nature, we remember the fearless love that yearns to light up the world. As I remember my true nature as a creative, divinely inspired and integral part of life, I effortlessly shine my light. Ayahuasca is a medicine that I have deep respect for. In my experience, it has always uncovered the imbalances in my life, helped me reflect on the path I am on, and how to reroute if necessary. Though it may show the pathway to healing, it is always up to me to listen, act upon, forgive, and follow the awakened path of the heart.
Photo credit: Jenna Belevender Photography