I’m so not ready to say “until we meet again” to Amber & Daniel, my co-fellow Amanda, Epic Self HQ, Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica….It’s my last day of Epic Self Fellowship and there’s so many emotions swirling around in side of me. To be quite honest, I don’t want to leave this magical place. I fell deeply in love with the country, the land, the people, the conscious community here….and a part of me is afraid that I won’t be able to sustain this level of happiness, freedom, love, inner peace, and exquisite connection when I return home. I have anxiety about it. Intense, butterflies in my stomach anxiety. What awaits me when I return “home?” What could possibly await me at “home” when I feel like I found my true home here in Costa Rica?
Being a fellow at Epicself.com HQ in Costa Rica has literally been an epic transformation in all areas of my life! I came here to blow open my comfort zone, learn, grow, expand my awareness and possibility, + become even more of a bad-ass entrepreneur–and it happened and it’s still happening.
So much of me has transformed here, will my family and friends accept the new me when I return? My soul was awakened and deeply nourished here. Can I maintain that when I return home?
I have so much anxiety about being able to truly make my business sustainable for me, and profitable, and location independent. A part of me feels like who am I to think I can have this kind of lifestyle permanently? I’m not “allowed” to do that. I have to have what’s normal and customary for most Americans: 9-to-5 grind. How dare I break out of the mold! But I have been reminded again and again in so many ways here: who am I not to pursue my dreams? That’s a really sad existence in my opinion.
I “lost” my anxiety here. I discovered how to truly live in the moment and be present and not worry about tomorrow…until this week, when all I could think about was that I’m leaving. OMG, I’m leaving. I have to leave this place that I have so much love for. I don’t want to go back to a concrete jungle. I don’t want to go back to cold, gray, sad weather. I don’t want to go back to rush hour traffic and angry drivers and frenetic energy and the rat race of Silicon Valley. I don’t want to wake up without hearing 4 types of birdsong or walk outside without seeing monkeys in my trees and lizards everywhere. I don’t want to live so far from the beach that I can’t walk to it….
Ruby, Breathe. B R E A T H E…I’m getting myself so wound up I can’t enjoy these last 24 hours. This will always be home in my heart. I want so much to be here. I don’t want the Fellowship to be over. I want to keep focusing my energy on my healing-physical and spiritual. I want to keep focusing on creating a business that lights my soul from within. I want to keep allowing myself to feel passion and reverence and joy for my life. I want to keep dancing and listening to sacred music. This is home. This is home and I don’t want to lose this. I know, I know: I take it with me. But I just know it won’t be the same. Not without Costa Rica and Epic Self, and oh, by the way ENVISION!
Nonetheless, here’s what I’ve learned here during my Epic Self Fellowship:
- I am stronger than I think. I tend to not push myself to hard in my own fitness, but Amber took my fitness to a whole new level. I feel like a beast now and I am stoked and motivated to keep it going back home!
- I can survive and thrive powered by plants! This was a huge concern for me, and I’ve been wanting to try vegan at the very least, let alone raw vegan for some time now, but was always worried that I wouldn’t be able to survive without animal protein. Yet on a conscious level, it makes me sad to eat animals. My vibration is so high this month; I feel so energized and alive! I had no idea this was possible on a plant-only diet!
- Introverts really can become excellent sales people. LOL I’ve shied away from “sales” conversations my whole life. Now I have a grasp on how to let people know about my services without feeling inauthentic, which is very important to me.
- Conversations can be fun and sales doesn’t have to be pushy or a 4-letter word. I even, gasp, look forward to having random conversations where I can practice these new skills! Who am I?!
- My website is my “baby” and it needs constant nourishment. And boy have I up-leveled my website’s appearance thanks to Amber. I’m so proud to show it off now!
- I’m not so bad in the kitchen after all! I’ve learned how to use a dehydrator, spiralizer and food processor to make mouth-watering foods that are super simple! Plus raw vegan! I can’t wait to go home and join a CSA so I can keep up this healthy eating.
- Marketing myself as an entrepreneur is a full-time job…but I’m loving it! I’m loving connecting with people and I’m learning to be ok talking about myself.
- I learned how to allow the Pura Vida motto to guide the way I live my life. People here in Costa Rica embrace fully living and enjoying life. That’s something I can totally get behind. It will be interesting to see what shifts when I return home. Living my dream life is closer than I think!
- When I make my well-being important, I have energy and motivation spilling over to share with others. That ‘s a beautiful thing. That’s the way it should be-not depleted Ruby trying to inspire others.
- There is conscious community everywhere, and in the most unsuspecting places. I have family everywhere. I really am so happy!
So, until we meet again, because there’s no doubt in my mind that I will realize my dreams and see my new family again in the future. Much love and pura vida!